How to Write Wedding Vows That Feel True to You
A step-by-step guide to crafting vows that feel meaningful, sound beautiful, and anchor your wedding story.
Your wedding vows are a deeply personal declaration, more than just words, they encapsulate the essence of your relationship, your shared journey, and your promises for the future. They serve as the emotional core of your wedding ceremony and provide the foundation for a cinematic narrative that captures the depth of your love. Thoughtful, intentional vows elevate both the ceremony and the final wedding film, making them a lasting reflection of your connection.
Getting Started: Defining Your Narrative
Before you begin writing, take a moment to reflect on your relationship. Approach your vows as a love letter, an intimate, authentic expression of your emotions rather than a formal speech. If you’re struggling to begin, consider starting where all love stories begin in reflection. Step 1 will help you uncover the moments and emotions that shaped your journey together.
Step 1: Reflect on Your Love Story
Your vows are more than just words—they’re a reflection of your journey, your promises, and your future. Start by thinking of your vows as a love letter: honest, intentional, and personal.
Ask Yourself:
What defining moment made you realize you wanted to spend your life with your partner?
In what ways has your partner changed or enriched your life?
What are the small, everyday things they do that make you feel loved?
How do you want your partner to feel while listening to your vows?
What unique aspects of your relationship do you want to highlight?
If you could encapsulate your love story in a single phrase, what would it be?
How do you envision your life together in the years ahead?
Step 2: Choose a Theme to Anchor Your Vows
A theme adds cohesion and emotional clarity to your vows. Think of it as the narrative thread that weaves through everything you say.
Popular Themes:
Adventure – Emphasizing a shared journey and a promise to embrace the unknown together.
Home – Recognizing your partner as your safe haven, the place where you belong.
Growth – Acknowledging how your love has evolved and your commitment to continue growing together.
Devotion – Celebrating steadfast love, loyalty, and unwavering support.
Music & Literature – Incorporating lyrics, poetry, or literary passages that resonate with your relationship.
Inspiration from Literature & Film:
A well-chosen quote can enhance the emotional impact of your vows. Consider integrating lines from literature, poetry, or film:
“I would rather share one lifetime with you than face all the ages of this world alone.” — The Lord of the Rings
“You have bewitched me, body and soul, and I love, I love, I love you.” — Pride and Prejudice
“Grow old along with me, the best is yet to be.” — Robert Browning
Step 3: Use Descriptive Language That Brings Your Story to Life
To create vows that resonate, infuse them with rich, sensory language that allows your partner and guests to fully experience your love story.
Sensory details, specific memories, and poetic language make your vows feel immersive and cinematic.
Techniques for Enhancing Your Vows:
Vivid Imagery: “Instead of “I love you because you make me feel safe,” try “Your embrace is my sanctuary, where the world fades and all that remains is the steady rhythm of your heartbeat.”
Set the Scene: Recall a defining moment in your relationship. Was it a golden sunset walk, a rain-soaked evening, or the quiet hum of morning coffee together?
Engage the Senses: What did you hear, feel, or smell in those moments? Did their laughter warm the air? Did their presence feel like the first rays of dawn?
Capture Their Essence: Rather than listing traits, illustrate them through action: “You carry kindness in your hands, in the way you brush my hair from my face and how you always save the last bite for me.”
Describe This Moment: Look around as you stand together. What do you see? How does their presence feel? Let the atmosphere—sunlight, breeze, the distant murmur of guests—shape your words.
Step 4: Structure Your Vows for Flow and Impact
If you need guidance on structure, consider this four-part framework:
The 4-Part Framework:
Reflection: Revisiting Your Journey
• What pivotal moments define your relationship?
• How has your partner changed your perspective on love and life?
• What lessons have you learned together?
Commitment: Making Meaningful Promises
• What do you vow to do in both extraordinary and ordinary moments?
• How will you uphold your commitment, even in times of challenge?
• What unique, personal promises reflect the foundation of your love?
Immersion: Grounding the Moment
• How does it feel to be standing here, ready to make these promises?
• What is surrounding you—the warmth of the sun, the hush of loved ones, the rustling of trees?
• Let the setting of your wedding day be a backdrop to your words.
Looking Forward: A Vision for the Future
• What excites you most about building a life together?
• How do you see your relationship evolving with time?
• End on a note of hope, gratitude, and unwavering love.
Step 5: Coordinate With Your Partner
While vows should remain personal and unique, maintaining balance in tone and length enhances the overall impact. Consider having a quick chat about tone and style.
Strategies For Alignment:
Discuss Expectations in Advance – Will your vows be deeply emotional, lighthearted, or poetic?
Consider a Shared Element – Incorporating a mutual phrase, promise, or theme can create unity.
Balance Humor and Sentimentality – Ensure both vow sets complement rather than contrast.
Read Aloud and Time Them – This helps refine the flow and ensures neither feels significantly longer than the other..
Step 6: Practice and Prepare for the Big Moment
Since vows are a focal point of both your ceremony and wedding film, consider these best practices:
Delivering Your Vows With Confidence:
Write them in a vow book – Refrain from reading off a phone, as it diminishes the aesthetic of your wedding film.
Pause before you speak – This helps with nerves and lets the moment breathe. It also gives your videographer time to reframe the perfect shot if needed.
Look at your partner – As much as possible, lift your gaze from the vow book. Eye contact carries emotion and creates powerful, heartfelt visuals.
Have a handkerchief ready – Tears and emotions are natural, but feel free to take a moment to collect yourself.
Stay hydrated – Dry mouth can cause audible pops in the recording; a sip of water beforehand can help.
Adapt to the environment – If a plane flies overhead or a baby cries, pause and continue. Don’t rush the moment.
Step 7: Speak From the Heart and Trust the Process
Your wedding vows don’t need to be perfect, they need to be real. Grounded in who you are, how you love, and what you promise.
They’ll be heard by your partner, your loved ones, and later, revisited through your film. That alone makes them worth writing with intention.
Final Thoughts
Your wedding vows are more than tradition, they’re an intimate piece of your story. When crafted with care and delivered with heart, they become a moment that’s both lived and remembered, both spoken and preserved.
